When you don’t feel good enough, suddenly everything you want seems fairly out of reach. It’s a downward spiral created by your own thoughts, that will continue to drag you down if you don’t stop it.
I know this deeply sad feeling inside, when you are utterly convinced that you are a failure. And your work, your friends and your boyfriend deserve better. For a long time felt so pathetic, I didn’t even want to tell anyone and when I did, I wasn’t understood (because it was all in my head).
So how did you get there? How did these thoughts start? Your mind is very powerful. It can convince you of believes, that are not even true. But in the same way, you can train it to react in a positive way whenever these thoughts come up. A bit like your immune system fights bacteria, once they try to invade your body.
So let’s build your brains immune system to bust negative self talk!
My tips on how to get better, when you don’t feel good enough
When have you felt good enough? Remember actively.
Can you think back to a time when you felt good enough? Maybe you achieved something you worked for or got validation by your family for something you did. And then remind yourself: You did this. You felt good enough before. And you can do it again!
Don’t make yourself lose in your comparisons. If you compare, compare wisely.
Personally, my feelings of not being good enough mostly stem from comparisons to other people’s skills. One night, my boyfriend talked to a really smart girl at a party and – boom – I questioned why he is even with me, when he could be with someone way smarter. I only concentrated on the smart-factor, completely forgetting about any other great trait I have that he loves.
Einstein once said: Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
Ask your best friend or boyfriend what they love about you. And note it down!
There are so many unique traits about you, that you don’t see and that others love you for. When I feel utterly lost and unlovable, I ask the people closest to me what they like about me. Write it down in your notes or take screenshot, it’s the best antidote when self doubts come to haunt you.
Don’t limit yourself to “can’t”s.
When you don’t feel good enough, because your sloppy, or your unfit or your not performing as great at work as you want to – find a way to change it. It’s not set in stone. Saying: “I just am messy.” or “I am just not the sporty type” when, in reality, it really really bothers you, is not helping you to get over your feelings of inferiority. I was always LAST in physical education and I regularly forgot my homework or schoolbooks at home. In my head I was branded as the lazy, forgetful loser type.
Until I started to act on my complexes. I started to organize my life with a calender and also wound up going to the gym 4x a week (something I thought is only for sporty people). That way, proved myself that I can change, if I put the work in and that we’re not limited to the things we tell ourselves in our head. Need I say? I started to feel awesome and damn PROUD.
Change that factor that makes you feel insecure.
If you can directly name the factor, that makes you feel not good enough, then you can change it. I know, you hate me for saying this and are surely convinced, that it cannot be changed, but it can. What holds us back is the work we have to put in to change it.
If you don’t feel fit enough, create a workout plan. If you don’t feel loved, address it. If you don’t feel smart enough, start to read and inform yourself. If you don’t perform well enough at work, ask your boss what you can do about it. Your potential is endless, it just depends on how much work you are willing to put in.
I always thought other people make me feel not good enough, until I realized that it’s my own insecurities that make me feel this way. I can talk to the most successful person, the smartest girl or the most impressive guy and still feel good enough – because I am at peace with myself. And you will be too.