Wonder why you continue to feel unhappy sometimes, even thought things should be great and there is nothing really that stands in the way of you and happiness? I made a list of things that have held me back from feeling happy the past years and added how I changed things around for me.
1. You are holding on to your fantasy-you
We all have this dream of how our life should be. Where we should be right now at our age and what we should have accomplished. Our dream job, a nice flat to ourselves and maybe a masters degree. But life often doesnt go according to our 5 year plan. It changes, we develop, our dreams take on different shapes and grow into a different direction with us. And that is completely fine, it would almost be strange, if that weren’t so.
Conclusion: Let go of that image of future-you, that you grew up with. Stop thinking how life should be, because it is what it is now. If you don’t like it, change it. But it is normal to grow out of your dreams and find new ones. Let it happen!
2. You are living in the past
Regret is such a strong, poisenous feeling that weighs us down and stops us from growing. It took me a long time to learn how to let go of it.. regretting that I chose a certain lifepath and should have chosen another etc. Wisdom comes with age, that you can only let go of things, when you put the effort in to actually let go. That means, actively forgiving yourself or the other person for what happened, and consciously move on. There is nothing new and refreshing about your day, if you fill it with regret and fear.
Conclusion: Always look ahead, there is nothing in your past that will make you grow. Learn to accept, to forgive and know that there always are new people, goals and chapters in your life to look forward to. It’s on you to actively let go and create something new.
3. You are doing too little for your dreams
And then you have this dream, maybe for years, but it is simply not coming true, no matter how much time passes? That is because nothing grows out of nothing. Watching time pass and our dream getting out of reach can make us very unhappy. Dreams are scary but they develop out of our own effort. We create them and turn them into reality, actively. Break your goal down into small steps. Write them up, so you can tick them off, one by one.
Conclusion: Kick yourself in the butt and notice how it feels when you start something on your own and take a step towards your dreams. Don’t be that person who had a dream and regrets letting it slip away, act towards it! Little by little, every day.
4. You compare yourself to other people
The surefire way to unhappiness? Comparing yourself to your friends, to what people post on facebook, to what you see on instagram, to biographies on wikipedia. Finding yourself on this list? Who doesn’t. I am aware of how this is a common illness nowadays and very hard to stop. But do you notice how you are the happiest, when you are completely with yourself, in balance and away from social media? The trick is not to leave social media out, that is no option for the most of us. But the secret is to create a life that you are unshakably happy with, so what you see on social media doesn’t push your buttons anymore. The more stabil and happy you are with yourself, the less you will find that others are better of than you.
Conclusion: Find out how you get there for yourself. What needs to change, in order to find inner balance? For me it was finding a job I love, in a city I adore with the people that mean the most to me. BAM – inner harmony. I love to look at what people are up to now, no envy there.
5. You are overthinking your relationship
Know these emotional rollercoaster rides? One moment everything is amazing and the next, something happens that tests the stability of the foundation you build your relationship on. Personally, I noticed how I needed to learn to trust the bond I have formed with my boyfriend. That little arguments wont do any damage, since our emotions are rooted far deeper than the surface. Scratches happen and they heal. I needed to learn how to c h i l l, how to let go and trust him not to hurt me. If you feel like you are standing on the edge, ready to jump off the ship at any moment, you cannot let go and grow with each other, emotionally.
Conclusion: Now this is very individual to every relationship. But ladies, let’s c h i l l out for a moment and let shit happen. The good and the bad. Remember the love, the foundation, remember why you belong together and the ups and downs will smoothen out.
Change takes time. Start by actively noticing if you are doing any of these things on the list. I used to have bad anxiety, insomnia and depression for two years after starting college and this list pinpoints some of the reasons why.
What are some problems you are fighting with. Anything that you sabotage your happiness with, that is not on the list? Let’s talk <3